Courtney Stodden is a 16-year-old girl and aspiring country music singer, except she looks older than sixteen, and most of her "music" doesn't sound like country. Instead, it sounds like generic, overproduced, and autotuned pop trash. (Then again, most country sounds like that nowadays, just with some added twang and "Southern charm" for good measure.)
Her "music" video "Don't Put It on Me" is So Bad It's Good and deliciously snarkable. Here, have a gander:
It's all so lolarious—the out-of-sync "singing," the lyrics, the clothes, the setting, that poor dog—everything. However, the lyrics in particular are a very special kind of fail, especially when juxtaposed with the rest of this bizarre trainwreck:
When I go shoppin', all...all...eyes be poppin'.
I'd do a double take too if I thought I just saw Medusa holding an albino chupacabra.
When I'm a-walkin', all...all...girls be droppin'.
If folks drop like flies in your presence, you might have a hygiene problem.
Don't try to be sly when I...I...walk by.
Listen, trick, I don't have to "try." If you have to "try," you aren't sly.
It's not my fault you can't control your guy-ah.
It's not your fault you can't control your stuttering.
I will not be responsible for your lover's attraction.
Bitch, if you're sixteen, you ain't even responsible for your own bills.
I will not be a victim of your aggressive reaction.
I guess being a fashion victim is enough for you.
Now turn around and be the best you can be.
You'll be amazed how it'll set you free,
From your wick-ed jealousy.
Well, at least I do agree with the overall message of this part.
Anyway, for a little more background information on this anthropomorphic trainwreck, she rose to fame—or a certain definition of "fame"—for marrying Doug Hutchinson, a 51-year-old actor.
Despite the perhaps inherently creepy nature of relationships between teenage girls and fiftysomething men, the couple had her parents' blessing, with her mother telling Radar they approve of their daughter's marriage (and being classy enough to add that her daughter's breasts and lips are "real"—suspiciously specific denial, much?):
"We are totally supportive of this marriage. Doug is a wonderful man and we love him. They are very much in love and we are so supportive of this. Courtney was a virgin when she married Doug. She is a good Christian girl. She is a beautiful girl. She has real breasts, real lips, she's not plastic."
I'm not sure if she really is older than 16, but if so, she's probably had quite a bit of "work" done. Personally, I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt on her age, because I tend to look a lot younger than my age, plus makeup and plastic surgery can go a hell of a long way.
Whatever the case, she's certainly ridiculous either way.
No comments:
Post a Comment